Livre d'Or

edit to add: Oops, clicked too soon - wanted to say thanks for getting back to me!

I think what they're doing at the end is using "should" in a strong sense and looking at a high likelihood of the result being some form of sexual abuse? Which is a bit more subtle - obligatory-for-relationship maintenance sex can definitely go bad fast, even if the obligation isn't explicit or the communication about it goes very differently. The whole question of "what are we dependent on our relationships for?" etc etc.

It's hard to make the distinction well if you aren't willing to write your entire piece (section, chapter, ...) in terms of avoiding abuse first and finding actively positive things having done so. I can understand why the authors won't have made that choice.

More generally, this is something I'm navigating from multiple angles at the moment, although admittedly not very quickly. Probably can't comment too much more from experience out in the open alas, but I'd be happy to talk to you in a slightly more private medium. In the meantime, I did end up buying Rewriting The Rules the other night. I imagine I'll work through it slowly: I definitely need some good material as a starting point for conversation. Thankfully I don't think my current situation is as likely to get actively poisoned by standard internet advice around trauma as, er, has happened in the past.